- February 23 2014 | - Read More →
I’m so frustrated that the first time I post something personal (it’s been several months) I just fall right back into shitty short whiny sentences.
That last sentence, however, is a good sign. My brain is waking up. I didn’t go to bed until 2 a.m., which is something I haven’t done in months. I’m usually asleep by midnight. I was on a roll. I don’t know if it was the sugar or the new dosing I’m trying with one of my meds. I was in hyperfocus mode for inane things.
On the bright side, I listed two new pairs of shoes on tradesy, and I spent the last of my birthday money on some great items at Target. And I’m fortunate enough that my parents are helping me buy a new car next week (they’re putting some money down, co-signing the loan, and helping me with payments until I get a job). And I’m volunteering for a fantastic film group in my town and that’s good because it’s something. I haven’t been doing a lot of anything.
But at this moment, my cravings are very intense and I just want to eat a ton of bad fatty foods. I’m not happy with that aspect of my life.
sometimes I feel like I’m crumbling into little pieces of fat and nothingness.
and it happens randomly and can go very quickly. and then come back very quickly.
My name's Rebecca. I've *gasp* just graduated college. I'm 22, (holy fuck I'm old.) Honestly, I tend to think I'm a mess but that's usually just my inner dialogue freaking out. I don't really know what I want to be or how to push myself there, but I'm not giving up.